Friday February 10th

First off major fail on keeping up with this resolution. Next I feel like everyone is mad at me. Not a fun feeling to have in a house. I definitely should have said more during the whole meeting and I completely regret that now but honestly I feel nothing right now. Its not sad or relieved or anything. Ugh I'm very frustrated. Like honestly I just want this all to be done and I just want to go home. I'm actually considering commuting next year....there is a lot of estrogen and a lot to handle right now. I physically don't feel capable of doing this anymore.

I wish I could just go somewhere or talk to someone but nope thats not happening anytime soon. I haven't really told anybody about the situation and I honestly just cant.

Honestly I just don't know what to say right now. :(

Friday January 20th

Delayed post I know but somehow I keep forgetting to blog before bed. I'll remember sometime in the afternoon or early evening and think well I could blog right now but there might be some things I'd like to add into a post later on....and i forget.

I think the house has officially become loose leaf tea drinkers! D and I went to David's Tea (which conveniently is at the near by mall) and picked up our first batches! T tagged along as well but didn't buy anything. Coincidentally we bought 3 black teas, I bought Southern belle which has bits of dried peaches and yogurt drops in it. It smells deliciously sweet but not in an overtly juice like way. I think this tea would be delicious as an iced tea in the summer over some ice. I also bought cream of Earl grey which we haven't tried yet but the smell is just amazing. There are what looks like little dried purple petals in the tea and the sales person described it as vanilla earl grey tea. Yum! Thats another thing, the women helping us was so kind and when we said we were just looking to try something new she gave us the catalog and responded ' Just pick a couple that you would like to smell and we can go from there.' Great customer service and I'm already excited to go back.

I was looking through the catalog last night and have already found a bunch of teas that I would like to try! There are a bunch of black teas that I think would be tasty (the earl's garden, three wishes tea) but I think we want to try a white tea next (white tiger, secret weapon). Although all the flavours have tea that I want to try! The Green tea (sencha pear, some velvet morning) and the winter teas (apres ski, snow bunny, alpine punch). Sarah really wants to try the Jungle ju ju Herbal tea. Theres even a bunch of caffeine free ones that would be nice (kanpe, raspberry nectar, creme brule). I was even scrolling through Teaopia's website looking for interesting flavours; definitely becoming a tea fiend. I need to reel myself in though because I do want to make sure I actually drink the tea and don't just buy and buy and buy.

Forgot to mention but D bought the cheeky lychee tea which is light and refreshing like a lychee. Its quite tasty, as well as some agave nectar which we've been using as our sweetener. After the agave nectar I'd like to try yacon syrup; while agave is made from a plant source yacon is made from a root and is supposed to taste richer and more caramelized.

I also picked up my moccassin's yesterday! They are super warm inside but are a bit cheap looking. I know they were only $20 and I will still enjoy them (when the snow melts!) but I do wish they were of a bit better quality. I still have my $10% off coupon. I haven't decided if I will order the birks (or maybe the uggs). I guess i'll just wait and see. I'm definitely going to be spending quite a bit when I go home next weekend with the makeup and the tea things i want to buy (travel tea mug, tea pot, tea box, official tea cup) and that doesn't even count the ADORABLE winnie the pooh mug and tin box set I saw on the Indigo website. It is $9.99 and available at a Chapters near my parent's house. Its just perfection and I cannot wait to own it. Speaking of purchases I also bought the yes to carrots shampoo. It was on sale for $5.99 at shoppers and I have been curious about how it performed. I'm a bit more weary of organic shampoos since I think the RUSK one has made my hair much thinner but this was on sale and If I don't like it I can always give it to my sister or send it home.

Yeah definitely been going on a bit of a shopping spree lately, and it will be carrying through to next weekend when I'm at home. *Sigh* so much for saving money!

Thursday January 19th

So I guess I just celebrated my weekaverssary on my blog! I'm glad I've kept up with posts so far because I do feel like it is cathartic to just write about my thoughts and feelings and go over what happened throughout the day.

I've decided I want to become a tea drinker. Especially loose leaf tea. There are so many health benefits associated to caffeine and to regularly drinking tea and unlike coffee there aren't lattes, mochas and other high calorie european beverages to deter from the lifestyle change I am trying to lead. Whats nice about tea is that you just put it in water and maybe add some sweetener with sugar being the obvious choice but there are other options such as stevia, agave syrup or yacon syrup. D and I have decided to start our little tea exploration together. We want to get tea mugs that have the infuser attached as well as a little box to start our tea collection. We had summer breeze tea today (courtesy of C's tea collection) and it was delicious. I can see it being the perfect tea to use for iced tea.

I enjoy the taste of earl grey so I do want to try more black tea however just a quick scroll through the David's tea website (we have a shop at the mall!) and I already feel excited to start tasting my way through the different categories. Haven't picked up my moccassins yet, however I think I'm going to pick them up tomorrow after class. I just need to make sure I can get the bus route figured out now that everything has changed. Seriously, I didn't know it was possible but somehow the bus system got WORSE than before. You would think that instead of doing an entire re-haul an changing all the routes and stops you would just keep the same routes, make them more frequent and add buses to the newly accessible areas. But of course that would just be too easy.

Once again I have not been productive enough. I can see myself getting into the same routine I did last semester and I physically CANNOT let that happen. I have so much I need to get done in terms of readings, practice questions and just getting organized and on top of things in general. I did sign up for a chapter summary group for one of my classes so at least I know I will have something for that class. A bit of exciting news though, i found the pdf versions of 2 of my textbooks :) I was going to check if my Food Science other book was up but since I have already bought it I don't see the point. I'm surprised I didn't see if I could find a copy of my last book, guess I'll add that to my growing list of things to do.

On a random note we got so much snow here today! Considering we have pretty much had nothing all season, actually having snow and doing the first shovel of the year is crazy. Especially considering how a week ago it was beautiful spring like weather. I wore my Sorel's again today. They are feeling a bit better around my ankles but I don't think I would be comfortable wearing them without the bandaids or thicker socks. Actually I'm pretty sure my skin hasn't healed from the first 2 instances yet. In case I've failed to mention it before, it pains me to walk in my boots. Not because the size is too small (its actually pretty perfect and a tad big) but because the boots rub against the back of my ankle, so much so that I've bled through my socks twice in a row. I was talking to B about snowboots (since she had forgotten hers at home) and she mentioned that hers cut the backs of her ankles as well! Is this just a common occurrence with snowboots? I would imagine that such an obvious construction error wouldn't be fixed by now. I'm hoping to buy some nice thick socks and maybe some gauze bandages to wrap around my ankles. I love these boots and hope that one day I'll just be able to put them on and walk in the snow without having to worry about what socks I'm wearing or if I'll physically even be able to walk because of the pain.

Wednesday January 18th

Oh Wednesdays. Wednesdays are my long days, well had I passed all my courses and continued with the calender schedule wednesdays would be my long days. Now they are kind of my pretending-ly long days. Yeah....I don't really know why I'm doing it either. I did get a little work today though, I think the time out of the house will be good for my productivity level.

Realized I have a quiz next week and I'm 2 problem sets behind. The real problem is that the night before is W's birthday so we're all going out to dinner. Add that to the fact that we're going out this weekend to celebrate (and that D has friends coming to stay over) points in the direction of minimal studying.

I was looking up masters programs today and once again I realized just how badly I screwed myself over. All masters programs look at the last 2 years. All I had to do was do well (or decent) last semester and I would be fine. But nope, I failed 2 courses causing my academic schedule to become skewed and completely off set my future semesters. I honestly don't even know if i'll be able to recover enough except I sure as hell need to try.

My major has a students association club/group and I went to the meeting today (I was also assigned a task!) I'm going to feel so embarrassed when it comes to picking courses and talking about courses etc just because I am so ashamed at how I performed last semester. Really its the first semester that counts and I completely screwed it up :(

On a happier note, my moccasins came in today! I'm thinking about picking them up after class on friday but I might just go tomorrow depending on how I feel. While at the mall earlier I saw these tops at Sirens that were really cute (same top in orange and in white) and I definitely want to try them on...however I might just wait until the next time I go home (next weekend). I'm already planning the makeup I want to buy next weekend, its kind of ridiculous. Somehow i've just got so much that I want to buy. I also want to start drinking tea leaves. I'm not really a big tea drinker and I don't want to become addicted to caffeine but a nice cup of earl grey or a herbal tea is a good pick me up.

Not too much happened today, really not that productive of a day (which has to change). Lets hope tomorrow isn't more of the same.

Tuesday January 17th

got my osap done!! It was hassle free and i'm glad to have it done. Went to the mall after dinner with W to pick up a few things for the house, OMG it was SOO cold! Also the new bus system is awful. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to find my way around anymore which is incredibly annoying. I don't see why they couldn't just keep the pre-existing routes but make them more frequent and add bus routes to the new areas. Not impressed.

I can already feel myself getting behind. We're celebrating W's birthday on Saturday and going out for dinner on Tuesday but I have a quiz on Wednesday that I haven't even started looking at/doing practice questions. I've also got a ton of readings to do....I really need to get my act together within the next couple days otherwise there is going to be HELL to pay when my parents find out whats been going on.

Sears doesn't have any makeup counters that I really want stuff from. I guess shoppers is the only place to buy makeup nearby which is very strange. 2 stores at the mall have closed so i'm curious what will come and take its place. Hopefully something good :) Perhaps a sephora or mac?? Wishful thinking?

T is obviously back together with the boy...and by back together I mean back to whatever it is they're doing. I don't get how she just keeps getting back together with him when its so obviously not working and he is completely using her. I agree with D, she is a drama whore. She complains about everything and always thinks she has it worse than everyone else. She complains about how she hates living with girls...well you're not such a walk in the park either! The thing is their 'relationship' has affected my friendship with T. I find myself getting more and more annoyed with her and I don't really feel like making the effort to talk more anymore. I'm the type of person that really cares about my friends but with her I've suddenly just stopped caring. It doesn't help that she is the type of girl who will always choose a boy over her friends and than expect them to be there when they get into another one of their 'fights.' Which can last from a couple hours to maybe a week.

Considering she doesn't have any close school friends that she regularly talks to or hangs out with, and that none of them wanted to live with her after 2 years you would think she would understand that there is obviously something not right with this situation. I mean she has never even brought a friend to the house before! Not to celebrate her birthday or work on a project or to just hang out. It seems like her friends are class friends and nothing more, the type of people you'll sit beside and talk to in class but won't take the effort to meet up outside of the school setting.

I always thought everyone followed the girl code: boys come and go but friends last forever. Apparently that needs to be changed to friends last forever as long as you don't push them away.

Monday January 16th

I really need to get organized. There's already so much readings, memorizing and practice questions that I need to start doing before there's a repeat of last semester. I'm getting worried for membrane biochemistry, it is going to be a LOT of memorizing and structures. It's even the little things like getting my room organized, doing laundry and filling in my calendar.

Cue my complete jealousy, M has a prof lined up for research next year. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to get one at all for my grades, maybe even get into a masters program let alone the worry that I won't get a summer job (in my field or closely related).

Today wasn't too eventful of a day, I've been looking up makeup that I want to buy in the near future. With all of the cool new drugstore stuff coming out I know my wallets gonna get quite a dent. So far I've got some of the maybelline color tattoo cream shadows (audacious asphalt, bad to the bronze, tough as taupe), the maybelline natural smokes quad, revlon 16 hour colorstay eyeshadow (addictive, moonlit), revlon rich sable single shadow, l'oreal infallible eyeshadow in continuous cocoa, rimmel pink sorbet blush. I've also added some elf, milani and mac blushes to my list for future purchases. As you can tell i'm kind of on a blush phase right now.

Got another coupon code for soft moc. This one is for 10%, i'm contemplating if I should buy birks or uggs or just wait until later on. I know I should really be saving money (especially if I want a new winter coat...) but its just hard not to give into the temptation. I'm definitely going to be making a stop to the drugstore outlet to check for some of the revlon and maybelline. It would be such a score if I found some of the products on my list there, especially when they usually run for 1/2 price.

Saturday January 14th/ Sunday January 15th

I've realized that the days when I think about blogging in the mid-afternoon are the days where I almost forget or forget to blog. I guess whenever I think about blogging I should just go ahead and do it.

Yesterday we went downtown which was fun. There were actually a bunch of people who came over for a pre-drink and to head downtown. My, T, W, S (and friends), M, H, C (and boyfriend), B (and roommates) all decided to come which made for a fun night. Although we got separated almost immediately. We went to the bus stop (where the new bus schedules/routes are messing everyone up!) and 3 busses passed by us. We tried hailing down a cab but these girls kept trying to steal them from us once we got one. Somehow luck was on our side and I ended up getting a cab with S and her friends pretty quickly. Everyone else ended up walking downtown; a 30 minute walk at -18 degrees celsius weather? I don't think so!

We were planning on going to this club that I've never been to before but it was literally dead (we got there around 11:30 or midnight) so we ended up going to a nearby bar which was the most packed I've ever seen it. Such a fun time there, there was a live band playing and lots of drinks. S may or may not be seeing a 32 year old assistant prof at a college near our hometown, she met him here though so he works about an hour away or he was just coming down for the night i'm not too sure. S was trying to get this boy to buy us shots while we were sipping on his beer but that didn't really work out too well and he ended up following us for the rest of the night. We did end up drinking the rest of a random pitcher that was at his table...not one of our best ideas for sure. S and her friends are fun to go out with and I would definitely be up for it again. W and T had a very eventful night on their walk over including running around an apartment building, crashing a birthday party, not being about to get into the bar I was at and jumping over the connecting cut-outs between the two bars.

On a more academic note I also went to an alzheimers symposium that was held. One of the profs I will be having next year randomly sat beside me and we were talking throughout the symposium, I was trying to sound smart but honestly I don't think it went over all that well but I do think that I made a good impression.

Today wasn't all that exciting. Me, W and T pretty much just bummed around for the whole day. We went to all you can eat sushi for a late lunch which satisfied my craving, watching mulan rouge and once upon a time and swapped stories from the night before. Is it a bad thing that i'm already kind of craving tempura? Love that stuff. I didn't get nearly as much school work done as I wanted to this weekend and I still have to apply for jobs etc. so I am going to have to be a busy bee this week.

Not sure if I mentioned this before but my new Sorel boots (winter carnival) while incredibly warm with excellent traction and quite heavy to walk in. However the worst part is that they rub against the back of my ankle causing them to bleed through my socks! This has happened twice already, of course I don't have any band-aids and no one else keeps these things in the cupboard so i'm going to need to go to the store soon and buy some to keep infection out and definitely before I wear them again. I did some google-ing and found that many people have the same issue. I'm going to see if the band-aid helps but I may also try really thick socks, loosening the laces or buying a heal pad to stick to the back of the boot. I honestly don't understand how they are so popular with such a major construction flaw.

Some closing thoughts: my room is a disaster right now in major need of cleaning, after switching one of my courses around to a 4th year biochem course (probably not one of my best ideas) I'm missing the lecture notes from the first 2 classes. I posted on the discussion board 4 days ago and I still haven't gotten a reply. Not too happy about that. I also ordered some cheap moccasins from soft moc. There was a coupon code for today so they came out to $24 including tax! Shipping wasn't free so i'm going to have to pick them up at the mall soon but its all good. Whats kind of annoying is that my sister didn't put them under my email (I don't have a credit card....I really need one) so I wouldn't be getting the points from the purchase. I was getting frantic near the end because it was only a 3 hour sale and I hadn't heard back from her with 30 min to go that I asked my dad for his credit card number. I got this strange second confirmation message that didn't work when I tried to answer it so it was nice that she ended up being able to order them for me. They should come in this week so i'm excited to get them :) Next on my list is a pair of birkenstock clogs and some chocolate uggs, both ordered with coupon codes of course!

Friday January 13th

Good news! Went to pick up my OSAP today and the technician (not really sure what to call them) just glanced at my form and that was that! Unfortunately my tuition payment hasn't gone through yet so i'm going to have to go back in on Tuesday but I still feel an overwhelming sense of relief. This is such an ordeal that easily could have been prevented!

I have this roommate, lets call her T. T has been 'on and off' if what they're doing can even be called that with her boyfriend since they first lived in residence 4 years ago. My other roommates and I have only had to deal with this since September (thank goodness!) and the boyfriend situation was one of the reasons why J decided to move out this semester. Anyways T, W and I were watching Inkheart and of course T isn't paying attention to the movie. W hit the nail on the head, unless its something shes seen before and knows she likes she won't pay attention during it and will just think its a bad movie. So we're watching the movie and T goes into her room, changes and then tells us shes leaving to watch a movie...HELLO we are watching a movie right now! The only likely possibility is that it was with the boyfriend and shes definitely 'that' girl that puts her boyfriend in front of her friends. Its happened so many times already that I don't even think I'm surprised anymore, and yet she wants us to be there for her when they break up (for like a day, the record has been 3 hours) and listen to her complain about how this was their biggest fight ever or its done for good.

Thats what she was saying on Tuesday when we all went out for trivia. Seriously just listen to how this went down, shes been ranting about him since we all moved back for the semester saying that shes over him and shes definitely not going to help him this semester and he really messed up this time but shes going to meet him tomorrow. Her reasoning was that he broke her necklace and she wants it back but later on goes to say that they might get back together tomorrow. Seriously?? SERIOUSLY?!?! Its bad enough that you don't see the problem with him being here literally every single day or that hes basically using you in every possible way but to be such a hippocrite and counteract yourself is too much.

I guess this is just the week where T has overly annoyed me because in terms of general housekeeping things I can barely stand her. She always leaves the brita filter empty after she uses it (how hard is it to fill it up...the sink is right next to it!), she never empties the dish rack and if its full (of dry dishes) she will just try to pile her wet ones on top. Take today for example, she slept through her 1 class of the day so was basically at home all day complaining how bored she was and the dish rack was still full of dishes from last night when i got home at 3. I know they were yesturdays dishes because she just left all her dirty ones in the sink... Speaking of dishes she doesn't clean them properly and I mean you can literally still see bits of oil or food on the pans the next day. She never buys toilet paper, paper towel, cleaning supplies etc. but absolutely overuses all of it.

I know this was more of a rant post and thats not exactly what I want my blog to be about but it is always nice to get it out. I'm going to a health studies symposium tomorrow morning (meaning I should really be asleep already) so I'm excited to see how that will go. Also I may (or may not) be running for the exec committee for my major for next year. I feel as though my poor average last semester may be a hinderence but if I can get on the exec panel thats a good leadership role I can put on my resume.

Until tomorrow's update :)

Thursday January 12th

Today I went to financial offices to hand in my letter, the women I talked to was very kind and informed me that I was to bring my letter to OSAP when picking it up. That's going to have to wait till tomorrow though, so expect an update in my next post. I am still feeling very anxious, I think its a mixture of what the OSAP people will say, worrying about my success rate in this academic term and even more worrying about the near future (summer job, summer courses, courses for my 4th year).

I've tried looking up some possible internships for the summer. I am personally very interested in the product development side of food science so something to do with food marketing would be right up my alley. Unfortunately it seems that those opportunities tend to be in the states and are usually looking for a food science background or a business background. Neither of which I have.

I really want to find a job that is related to my field however given my poor academic performance and my lackluster resume I feel as though my options are quite limited. Theres a job fair coming up in a couple weeks that I'm thinking of going to. The only problem (because of course there needs to be some sort of conflict) the fair is from 10-3:30 and I have class until 1:30. (I've got a quiz on that day as well...) I do want to try and make it to the fair though, networking with anyone in my field can only benefit me in the long run.

I've decided to drop BioPhysics. Physics is definitely not one of my strong suites and I can see it being a struggle had I decided to continue. While looking at Masters programs I also noticed that there was a minimum of 3 third/fourth year courses required in each semester and had I continued with BioPhysics, that would be another requirement I didn't have! I am now registered in Membrane Biochemistry. A fourth year course (my first one). It is biochemistry which I find incredibly interesting however its once again the process of actually studying it (and staying on top of the workload) which is the problem. Unfortunately the course conflicts with my tutorial, causing me to miss out on the first hour. I'm unsure what this will mean for quizzes and such but it is going to be a pain since the buildings are not close to each other. While checking the course lists today I saw that PoD had 2 open spaces, and i went back and fourth contemplating on taking it. Before I had a set decision the spots were filled and the course went back to being closed once again.

In a way it might have been for the best. Had I taken PoD I would have had 2 days with 2 exams on each day which would have been incredibly stressful. I'm hoping it will be offered DE over the summer so I can get one requirement off of my list *fingers crossed!*

Wednesday January 11th

I've always loved the idea of having a journal. A place to scribble down thoughts, write down personal feelings or just document the day. What better New Years resolution than to start a journal (blog). The goal is 356 posts; 1 a day everyday. Shouldn't be too hard...right?

Some things about me, i'm studying my 3rd year of nutrition at an institution that shall remain unnamed, recently celebrated my 20th birthday and I currently live away from home. Expect posts regarding all of those categories.

I guess the main reason I wanted to start a blog is that I've always felt putting thoughts onto paper to be quite cathartic. Just expressing the words in some form gives a small sense of relief. Believe me, I need that sense of relief right now. I in my second semester of 3rd year and I've completely screwed myself over. I didn't take first semester seriously at all and ended up failing 2 of my required courses, putting me on financial probation. I now have to write a letter to financial services describing what happened last semester and how I plan to do things differently this semester. *Sigh* After calculating the grades I need to even attempt to get a spot at a graduate school, it is going to take a lot of work.

Everytime I have a free thought, It always goes back to how I completely messed up the rest of my undergrad. This semester there are 2 courses that I can no longer take having failed the prerequisites, and my upcoming fall semester is already full with both my new required courses and re-taking the two that I failed. It does not help that these courses are only offered in their given semester every year, so although I definitely will be taking some courses in the summer (3 maybe?) to get enough credits to graduate, I won't be able to catch up to the rest of my classmates.

Now about that letter I have to get signed...I haven't written it yet. And I want to get it handed in tomorrow so I can maybe get my osap? Not even sure if I will be able to though, its all kind of confusing. I just can't believe how much I messed up. And in my 3rd year too! I can't afford to mope around and think about the past. Unfortunately whats done is done and there is no way for me to change it now.

I know this turned into a pretty depressing post but it is nice to finally get those feelings out, i've been keeping it all inside and knowing all these extra steps I need to take just brings more and more anxiety.